But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so let's talk penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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