OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
