even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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