home. puking in laundry basket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
