i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
