Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
