Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
