I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
