Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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