she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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