Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
