I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do herpes really smell.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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