We won't sleep together?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's never too late to be topless.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i've created a new STD.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
