I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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