She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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