I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
