It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
