I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
