I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
