Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
