The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
