my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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