I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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