Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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