Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
