once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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