How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
