You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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