rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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