What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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