from now on my penis is your penis
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
