I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
