its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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