I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
