Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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