Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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