I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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