Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
