Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
