Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
