just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
