I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
