used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
