btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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