considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
