called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize