Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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