Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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