the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Actions speak louder than pants.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
