if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
