Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
