Buhtt sex?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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