When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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