Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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