why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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