alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
