what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
