got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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