my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize