i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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