12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
