dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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